I feel like such a sellout (read the previous post if you’re confused why). But what can I say, I’ll go where the Benjamins are, and Vick’s has brought me some Benjamins. To welcome in the new era, I thought I’d just throw out some random thoughts I have. (Editor’s note: The following is a shortened version of Bryson’s post. The content taken out was far too extreme for both our ownership partners and our proud sponsor Vick’s Vapor Rub)
• I love the show “Survivor.” I hadn’t watched it for ten years up until this season, and I forgot just how addictive the show is. The concept of voting people to leave is brilliant. If only they implemented this idea in the workplace, we’d all be happier. Well, all of us except that lunatic in accounting who we’d all agree to send packing.
• In fact, it is now my goal to either get on “Survivor” or get a close friend of mine to get on the show. While we’re here, I have a strategy to get on the show: Act like a crazy person. Convince the producers that you are genuinely deranged and completely self-oblivious, and you have a decent chance at getting on the show. In my audition tape I think I’ll hunt down my neighbor’s cat, skin it, and sacrifice it to the “Survivor Gods.” Then I’ll claim to have better people skills than Tom Hanks, better athleticism than LeBron James, and better leadership skills than Gandhi. Your telling me the producers don’t want to see that guy on the island? They’ll think I’m reality TV gold.
• The sad truth is that I would stink on Survivor. I would overanalyze everything. I would be paranoid. I would offend everyone there since I won’t have my editor there to censor me. Knowing this, I think I would use my time on the show to become famous. Naturally, the best way to become famous on a reality TV show is to act like a crazy person. I’m not sure what I would do, but it for sure involves screaming at contestants who ask where I’m from, claiming Jeff Probst is my biological father, and carrying around a rotten banana everywhere I go and claiming it’s an immunity idol. Once I’m the established crazy person on the island, people won’t vote me off for a long time (since they’ll know I can’t realistically challenge them to win it all), and I’ll have weeks to win America over with my trademark wit and plump physique. It’s a win-win.
• After rereading that last paragraph, I think I might actually be a crazy person. However, this works since in Survivor the people who are true to themselves have a good chance to win it all. So, I guess I could win Survivor. Hmmm, I wonder what I’ll do with the million dollars I get when I win. All that comes to mind are fancy linens and rare vinyl records ...
• I love Vick’s Vapor Rub. It’s just so good. And useful. Like if you’re sick, and maybe you need some vaporizing action, I can’t think of a better solution than Vick’s Vapor Rub. Vick’s Vapor Rub: Got the rub?