Tuesday, February 23, 2010
N is for New Year Predictions
I understand that we are almost done with February, but since the letter “N” has offered very few good options, I decided I would give some predictions for this year. By the way, in case you missed it, last week I predicted you should follow USA Men’s Hockey team, and then on Sunday they gave us one of the more memorable hockey performances ever against Canada. So keep in mind that these predictions just might be worth paying attention to. Might.
* LeBron James will be the NBA Finals MVP. On a related note, Kobe Bryant will not. The Utah Jazz will then select John Wall for the first pick of the draft (and I will continue to daydream).
* Brazil will win the World Cup behind a legendary performance from Kaka. And by July you will know the meaning of what I just said.
* Alabama will not repeat as national champions, but the BCS will repeatedly suck the life out of sports fans across the country.
* Tiger Woods will come back to golf, it will be a bigger story than the Presidential Election of 2008, and he will reach the Britney Spears Zone (where you hate someone simply because you keep hearing about them over and over again, regardless of whether you actually cared before).
* Britney Spears will return to the Britney Spears Zone.
* James Cameron will begin initial photography for his next film called “Gaudy Spectacle!” The film will release in 2031.
* Twitter will be replaced by “Stocker,” a new program that allows you to put a camera on yourself 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
* Barack Obama will be nominated for a Golden Globe after an especially dramatic State of the Union address. He will, of course, win the award as well. Speaking of which . . .
* The politicians in Washington D.C. will continue to spend more and more money that they don’t have, and they will continue to bicker with each other like high school cheerleaders in a coming of age high school film.
* The same Americans who continue to accept the above status quo will continue to belittle anyone who advocates actual change.
* By December, my mood regarding politics will be even more bitter than it is right now.
* The same scientists who renounced Pluto’s status as a planet will openly question the validity of the color cyan.
* The housing market will make a fantastic turn for the better as builders tap into the vastly underutilized tree house market.
* Thanksgiving will be cancelled and replaced by a second Halloween to accommodate all the horror film releases.
* By December, my readership will triple in size (to a whopping 15 readers)!
Today’s recommendation: Whenever I eat at Gandolfo's I get the "Knickerbocker". And I always enjoy it. If you like vinegar in your sandwich, I think you'll like it too.